This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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