im holly from the hills drunk
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
