I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
