God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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