You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
