anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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