she was so not down for the gang bang
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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