im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
