why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
