And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
