We need to start having sex underwater more often.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
