Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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