no, he came in my armpit
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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