His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
