He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
