Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
