Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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