I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
