do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
