you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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