...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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