I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
