I am puke
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
