I think scott just propositioned me for sex
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
