if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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