she woke up with a sticky ear
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
