never play flip cup with pint glasses
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
