Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
