Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
