Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
