How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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