i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
