I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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