Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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