Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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