I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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