I faked an abortion last night.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
