I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
