Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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