she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize