Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
