O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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