I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
