Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
