everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
it hurts more in the daytime
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
