So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize