Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
