I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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