you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
