I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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