Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
