Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
