My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
