can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
