I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
