If i come over, it means nothing
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We left an ass print on the piano.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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