I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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