Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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