Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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