Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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