woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
this will be a night to untag.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
