I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
