So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
