There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
