Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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