he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
