If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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