I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The ass gains better be worth it
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