tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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