If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
