i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you told grandpa to call you daddy
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
