Why does Corona taste like a burp?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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