What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
50% drunk capacity currently
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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