Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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