Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
