At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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