My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
