Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
