We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
