Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
